my thoughts on dreams (not the sleeping kind)
Monday, June 4, 2012
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on many nights my work is just a job like any other, i won't lie. but then there are the other kind of nights..... the nights that i wish i could beam back to my younger self. to the girl who spent long summers dreaming, guitar in hand and with all her heart. the strongest dreams, i believe, begin in our youth. but they come true throughout our lives. when they do, we can't linger on their summit. when a dream finally comes true, it also dies a little. like a shooting star that only you saw, so brilliant and so mortal. truly beautiful things don't last. but they come back around...'************************************************************************************************************************ when i was 17 i was lost. things were strange at home. things were strange at school. having grown up in germany, i was now going to high school in greenville, delaware. i couldn't make sense of the kids at school. their behaviors seemed impossible to decode. in germany i was normal. i knew what i was doing. now i didn't. i longed for my language and my culture and my friends from before. things were strange at home, too. so i lived in between. in the space between home and school. i walked and i walked around the suburbs. my discman taking me far away. i listened to the music of john gorka. i can't say i understood the lyrics, really, but i understood the voice. his warm baritone wrapped itself around me like a shield. i'm not sure how i would have made it through those years without that shield. fast forward 20 years. i am on tour with john gorka, the man. he is just a man. it is just a gig. he does what i do for a living and so i know (for i am an insider) that there is no actual magic here. i know all this but my heart says otherwise. '***************************************************************************************************************************'' i have come full-circle. the music is still here. after all these years. and it moves me deeply still because it is intertwined with my own past and the genesis of my dream. john gorka has come full circle too. we are playing at Godfrey Daniels, Gorka's stomping ground. the place where he cut his teeth. where he had his heroes. and so it goes. i am not sure any of us would be doing what we do if it weren't for our heroes and the gifts they gave us. this is my "full circle moment" but it is not that of the crowd and so i sheepishly aim to conceal the monumental weight this event holds in my heart. on the inside, however, my old me, my present me, and the various mes that two decades have forged.. we are beaming... maybe you can spot it on our face :) ************************************************************************************************************************** TO WATCH CLICK ON THE LITTLE PINK LINK BELOW OR VISIT www.youtube.com/antjeduvekotchannel my new cd "New Siberia" is releasing nationally on Sept 18th (on June 26th in Boston) but you can buy it NOW! right here: http://www.nimbitmusic.com/antjeduvekot/#newsiberia. | |
